The past...

The past is something you can either learn from or relive everyday of your life. My past isn't a bad one but it's one filled with love, loss, abuse and distrust in the male species. Thankfully I was able (with time and lots of help from my best friend and family) to overcome the issues I faced.

Long story short, we met, fell in love (or so I thought) and married. Shortly after that tiny piece of paper was signed things changed. I went from being someone's wife to someone's property. A shift that occurred without warning  that it was coming. He was a kind man for the first half of the tumultuous journey we shared together. But those moments left quickly. In the end all that was left was a multitude of lies, countless random women, abuse (both mentally and physically) and me, broken inside. The man I had trusted my life to had become my enemy all on his own. The abuse suffered at his hand was not only unexpected but also unbelievable. The man I wanted to grow old with became cruel, vicious, and completely unrecognizable. The mental abuse along with the physical were enough to tear even the strongest of women down.

After 6 years together, I was placed on a journey to rediscover who I really was and piece myself back together. At that point I had to come to terms with a few things. 1: Divorce was an inevitable choice, 2: having children wasn't in our cards and 3: I had to find a way back to the person I was before. Now 1 & 2 were things that I came to terms with rather quickly. But 3 now that was the most difficult simply because when our journey began I was only 19 years old , a freshman in college with the life experiences of a 5 year old. My likes, dislikes, and interests were all based on the things he brought to the table and experiences we shared together. So, the me that I had to start off with wasn't very much. I knew at that point that I had to start somewhere.

That was the easy part, I went back to my first true love books. Now I know this sounds kind of self-conscious but the first book I picked back up after 6 years was The Secret by Rhonda Byrne. After reading the book in 2 days I was filled with the hope of a better future. It brought me what I need and that was hope and faith to face our sad fate head on. Because I knew that what was coming wasn't going to be easy nor pretty. And in the words of my best friend "You don't really know someone until you divorce them". That statement is not just a statement but a pure, honest to God fact. Because in the months and 2 years that followed, things didn't get any better from his end. I however began soul searching and reconnecting with the person I was becoming.

Little things about me started coming back and new interests made their way into my life. Reawakening my love of books and literature was step 1, then came my passion for traveling and my longing for moments of silence, peace and serenity. Now being someone who has never been a fan of any type of sport or physical activity I somehow found a new love for all things sports related. College football in particular was where my newly found passion started. Seeing as how I am a Miami native born and raised, becoming a Miami Hurricanes ( []_[] )fan was not difficult since my best friend worked at the university and I frequented their grounds on a weekly basis. Going to games and tailgates became a great distraction for me. It was and is a place where I can go and hang out with friends and have a good time. To date I am proud to say I am a 6 year season ticket holder with no intentions of giving it up.

The lessons that I learned and continue to learn from what I experienced is that the only person who can lift you up and help you along the way is you. Yes I did have the advice and support from loved ones, but in the end it was my strength and need to move on that help me grow, and move past my horrible experience.

Jackie :)